Double Dating with the Dursleys
by Amy227
Summary: James and Lily are going on a double date with...Vernon and Petunia?


**Wow, this is my first non-Remus fanfiction I think :O**

**Anyway, this was inspired (or rather, copied) from the background on the Dursleys on Pottermore, where JK states that them and James and Lily went on a double date, I thought it would be fun to write :)**

**Disclaimer: the characters (and plotline, perhaps) belong to JK Rowling, who is not me (unfortunately).**

**I hope you enjoy it :)**

* * *

"Come _on_, James! You've been tying your laces for 5 minutes now!" snapped an impatient Lily, checking her watch before looking back at her unperturbed fiance. She was stood by the open door, as she had been for quite a while, waiting for him to hurry up. "Honestly. I'm the woman, I thought I was supposed to be the one taking forever to get ready!"

"Calm down, Lil! Laces are hard! They're just... so..._fiddly_." James replied, struggling to find the right words as he simply gave up with frustration, leaving his laces limp and untied.

"Oh for the love of..." Lily mumbled, making her way over to him. James winced as though she was going to whack him, but she went onto her knees and took the job into her own hands. "It's not exactly hard. I thought I gave you that spell to do this, anyway?"

"Well...I tried that a while ago, but it didn't tie them – it made them disappear completely." James shrugged, innocently.

"A 5 year old could do this..." he heard Lily mutter.

"Nervous?" James smirked, taking in her edgy characteristics as she rose up to her feet again after tying James' laces, paced over to the mirror and smoothed down her already smooth hair.

"Nervous?" Lily scoffed. "She's my sister; what's the worst that can happen?"

Not too far away, Petunia Evans and Vernon Dursley were waiting for the other couple at their table in Casa Paolo. Where _were _they? 7 o'clock, they'd arranged to be there. It was now 7:07. What were they playing at?

"She's never on time," tutted Petunia. "So unpunctual. We could have a three course meal, and they still wouldn't be here by the time we're finished, I'd imagine."

"It's hard to believe that you're related," Vernon replied. "There's no room for unorganised people in this society, if you ask me. If you aren't willing to pull your weight, then you aren't doing any good."

"Quite right. Of course, they're both unemployed. Draining the country, people like that. Oh, here they come now...about time too." Petunia muttered, not even bothering to greet them with a fake, why-are-you-wasting-my-time smile.

"Sorry, Petunia," Lily apologised, taking the seat James had pulled out for her. "James had trouble doing up his shoes." she shot a playful glance at him as he sat down.

"Hey, you can't blame it all on me. I wasn't the one who combed through my hair half a dozen times within the hour, even though it made absolutely no difference after the first time..." James shot back, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Why, yes," Vernon muttered, though none too quietly. "By the looks of it, he hasn't combed his hair at _all_."

Lily busied herself with the menu, talking to James about the Chicken Combo deal, apparently worried about how he'd react, given the chance, to Vernon's snide comment. He didn't seem too bothered though, and actually looked as though he was biting back a laugh.

"Vernon and I decided what we'd order whilst we were waiting," Petunia said, an air of coldness in her voice. "So we'll just wait for you."

"Uh...Lily..." James frowned at the menu they were sharing, as though in deep thought.

"Yes?" Lily replied, scanning the menu.

"There seems to be a problem with our menu..."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. It's not English."

Vernon made a sound that sounded like what would be an impatient sigh of a pig.

"If you'd look at it _properly_," he said, condescendingly. "you'd notice that the English translation is written underneath."

"Oh." James said shortly. "Well...that's good."

Lily wasn't sure whether or not she should laugh or be embarrassed.

"I...I think I'll just have the lasagna," she said.

"I," James began, grandly. "Will have the Sotto Filetto di Manzo ai ferri! Whatever that is..."

Petunia and Vernon looked at him, as if he had recently escaped from a mental asylum and had just taken off all his clothes, right in front of everybody. Vernon, not breaking eye contact with James, as though he was some kind of animal, gestured for a waiter to come over. Ordering for the 4 of them, plus a bottle of wine to share, they sat in an awkward silence.

"So," James drew out, looking around as though somebody from the surrounding tables would give him a conversation starter. "What... music d'you like?" he finished, lamely.

Petunia pursed her lips, as though listening to music was a sin. Upon hearing no reply, James answered his own question.

"Personally, I like the Beatles. All the way. My mate, Moony, introduced us to them, and I've been hooked ever since. Still, I reckon you haven't met a Beatles fan until you've met him..."

There was another uncomfortable silence, in which James was cast another disapproving look from Petunia and Vernon, as he ruffled his hair at the back.

"What've you been up to, recently, Petunia?" Lily asked, delicately. "I haven't spoken to you properly for months."

"Vernon and I have just been organising the spare room," Petunia announced. Vernon grunted, seeming as though he thought this was a good enough contribution to the statement. "In fact, Vernon got a promotion recently, he's now the Director at Grunnings."

"Grunnings?" James said in a questioning tone. "I think I've heard of that one..."

"It's a-" began Vernon, but James cut him off.

"No, no, don't tell me, I can remember this...isn't it a pillow manufacturing business or something?"

"No," butted in an impatient Vernon. "It's a-"

"Do they make milkshake?"

"No, Grunnings is-"

"Of course not, who'd drink a milkshake called 'Grunnings'? Yuck."

"_It's a drilling firm_." Vernon said, almost viciously.

"Oh yeah. That was the one..."

It was the perfect moment for the waiter to present them with their wine. Vernon and Petunia looked quite horrified, James looked as though he was having fun, and Lily looked a mixture of both. As soon as James' glass had been filled with wine, he downed it in one, receiving yet some more disapproving glances.

"If you thought _that _was something," said James, apparently noticing these looks. "You should see Sirius, he can-"

"So, what car do you drive?" Vernon interrupted, rather abruptly, clearly fearing that he would be judged by the strangers around them, being associated with a man who could down a glass of wine with friends with unusual names such as 'Moony' and 'Sirius'.

"Car?" repeated James. "Oh, well..."

The waiter had now arrived, handling (rather difficultly) their four plates. After about a minute, when the correct plate had been delivered to the correct person, James continued the previous conversation.

"I bought a new one recently, actually."

"Bought a new what?" Vernon retorted, quite rudely. The way they were acting, anything said with even the slightest ambiguity was a criminal offence.

"Another Nimbus model," James replied, as though this explained everything, but he clearly knew what he was doing. Lily knew this too, as she shot him a warning glance.

"A...what?"

"107 miles, it can go. Quite slim, _excellent _handling." he smirked, poking his food with his fork. Clearly, picking the most expensive food on the menu wasn't the wisest idea, as he wasn't even entirely sure what it was.

"Oh, really? What's it called, did you say?" Vernon replied, politely but patronisingly.

"A Nimbus 1500. Best one around yet, they reckon."

"_Who_ reckon? I've never heard of it, so it can't be that great."

"Cost me a lot of gold, mind. Still, it's worth it. Haven't been able to play a game of quidditch for a while though, seeing as nowadays things are quite...busy."

"Gold?" Vernon raised an eyebrow. "What do you do as a living, then? I wasn't aware that you did anything."

"Oh, nothing at the moment," James shrugged. "Now's not really the best time. Me and Padfoot were thinking of training up to be Aurors, after the war."

"War? Are you part of the army or something?" Vernon eyed him, skeptically.

"Nah. Guns and grenades? I'm a firm believer that it's all pointless...unless there are Death Eaters on the receiving end, of course...or the explosion is issued from a wand..." he went off on his train of thought.

Hearing that dreaded 'w' word, Petunia seemed to have stiffened.

"Unemployed, and yet you get all this gold?" Vernon pressed on. "I suppose your lot get unemployment benefit? I can't see any useful occupation for _wizards _and whatnot. Maybe a magician at a child's party? Anything you can do with...with one of _those_," he made a rather pathetic hand gesture, of what could've been a flick of a wand. "You can do twice as good by hand. Waste of time, if you ask me. Now, each to his own, but you should work hard for your earnings."

"My parents just had a bugger load of money." he said, bluntly.

Another silence.

"Well," Vernon began, again, as though determined to get the higher one on James. "I recently made quite an expensive purchase on a car, money of which I personally earned."

"You know what they say, though." James said, simply.

"What's that?" Vernon asked, though he didn't look too interested.

"Big car, small-"

Lily chocked on some mince suddenly, making notions for James to help her. James immediately came to her rescue, slapping her on the back and quickly getting a drink for her.

"Lily?" he said, hitting her harder and standing her up, not really knowing what he was doing. The source of the choking soon came to surface, however, as the mince flew out of her throat and onto the middle of the table. Petunia stared at it, half expecting, it seemed, for it to blow up within a matter of seconds.

"Oh my gosh," Lily said, catching her breath and regaining her posture. "I'm so sorry." she went red, and sat down, looking quite ashamed of herself.

"Why is it," Petunia said, agitated. "That I can never have a normal outing when you're involved?"

Lily's blush suddenly disappeared, and her expression went from embarrassment, to confusion. This sudden change of mood made absolutely no sense to her.

"Excuse me?" she replied, an eyebrow raised.

"Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about," Petunia retorted. "I can never do anything _normal_ when you're around – everything causes people to look around – you're just a _freak_. Always have been."

"Where the hell did that come from?" James spluttered, outraged. "Oh, so, Lil's a freak, because she choked on a bit of food? As though she did that on purpose – to get attention? That's just-" he could seem to find the right words.

"James, leave it, you'll only make things worse," Lily told him. James looked at her, and though her expression was quite blank, he could see that her eyes told a completely different story.

"No," he protested, looking from Lily to her sister. "No, what gives you the right to talk to Lily like that? She's your sister!"

"She's unnatural. The lot of you are," Petunia spat. "Vernon, we're leaving." she said, shortly. Vernon took his coat from the back of his chair, straightening up, guiding the two of them out of the restaurant.

James was completely startled, staring at the door they had just walked out of, his face flushed with anger. When he turned to Lily, she had her hands over her eyes.

"Lily," James said quietly, although he didn't know where to take it from there. "I...you're not a freak." he said with certainty. "They're the freaks, boasting about their _big car_, and how everybody underneath them is a _drain on society_..."

He heard Lily make a small sniffle. This startled him a little, as it wasn't often at all, that he saw her in this state.

"Oh, Lily...look, I'll try and make it up to you, okay? I'm sorry, I don't think I exactly helped things. The next time I see them, I'll be sure to point out that I have a broomstick, not a car, and that I'm unemployed, and I'll bend down on two knees and kiss their shoes – whatever you want me to do."

Lily brought her hands away from her face, revealing a trembling lip. James brought his hand up to her cheek, comfortingly.

"I don't see why you care about what she thinks, anyway..." he said, in an effort to be gentle, though the annoyance he was suppressing was relatively obvious. "You're worth ten of her. A hundred, even. In fact, she's not worth anything when you're in the room."

"She's not that bad," Lily muttered, though she sounded as though she was trying to convince herself, more than anything. "She's just...that Vernon...he brings out the worst in her."

"I'm sure he does," James agreed, nodding slightly. "The point is, take no notice of them. They're just jealous, because you're perfect, and they're not."

Lily's lip trembled even more, then her eyes started watering. She threw herself onto James' neck, sobbing. He held her close, feeling ashamed of himself for not acting more formal.

"Let's go home, yeah? We can watch that Muggle contraption, uh...tevision, is it?" he suggested, hopefully. Ever since Lily had brought a television into the house, James was fascinated by it ("miniature muggles? Inside a box? Don't they get annoyed that they have no privacy? Ohh! Look, Lil! They're dancing! Oh! Oh! Their bodies have gone, and their heads have grown! What kind of magic is this?! Surely that's not legal?").

"That Vernon guy was a bit of a pillock anyway," James muttered. "Honestly, a snob if I ever saw one... how are you even related to that Petunia anyway? Dementors, the pair of them."

This caused Lily to giggle slightly.

"I'm sorry, for all of this," she said, blushing again. "I didn't expect this to go well anyway, I should have prepared you more…"

"No," interjected James, quickly. "No, it isn't your fault. You can't pick and choose family, can you?"

"I guess not. At least it's all over now, right? It's just us now, we can still have fun."

"Oh bugger."

"What?"

"We're going to have to pay for all of this… that expensive foreign food doesn't seem like such a good idea now that it's not Vernon paying for it…"


End file.
